Days go by gloomy and happy, I don’t know if most of my emotions were real or I am faking them. Maybe I wanted to be happy that day or I wanted to just cry in the corner. I thought to myself ‘I have a good family, I know they aren’t perfect but they are good people’ but then again why am I unhappy with how I have run my life, I dwell on my mistakes most of the time, is that it? is that why I am unhappy? Was being sad a choice? I always had a choice I tell myself but I was stubborn and kept my self down on those days. I always give myself time to think about it but every time I do, I just end breaking my self.
I hated a lot of things but most of it was about me, I knew it was unhealthy but there is this little voice in my head always insulting my self. Was I mad? I am more than lucky to have a family that provides me what I need but I have failed them, I took advantage of that freedom and now where am I? I am surrounded by creative people, people who encourage me but I seem not to listen to them, I was wrapped in my own world, my own conscience. There was time that I woke up in the middle of the night crying and there was a heavy part of my chest, I couldn’t remember if I was dreaming, most likely I was but I couldn’t remember what it was.
Anyway I’m going blank now..