ME: “Yo wassap you awesome human being!
This past few days I’ve got friends who are struggling with life, family, personal being and their love life. This friends of mine, whom I’ve shared stories of my worst times, my wonderful days, days I just cry or laugh and days I spend in dreadful solitude. I can’t help it if I was the eldest sibling who had many responsibilities, who basically fucked up a few terms in her college days, who went from responsible days and lazy nights, who may be emotionally unstable, who makes small things as big problems. Everyday I thought I just wanted to die, I wanted to disappear and hopefully no one will notice, cause what the heck right? nobody cares.
I was happy to be in college, to be taking a good step for the betterment of my life, I made good friends, made pieces of art that I never thought to have achieved, I lived a good early years in college. I was happy with my family, I had playful siblings, imaginative and talented they are I felt lucky to have them. My parents were always there as support, my sleepless nights and happy mornings were all I could have ever wanted. Memories like that don’t last forever, that’s what I thought. Growing older I had more responsibilities than ever, Since 18 years old, I made myself realize that I have to work harder for my family, My parents aren’t getting any younger and my siblings aren’t gonna stay young. Everyday became a struggle of thinking and over-thinking, I knew I was stressed, depressed and most likely anxious, everything became dull and the colors lost its touch, my goals changed into something robotic, that I have to graduate, work and earn to help my family financially. Though that was as acceptable and great goal, I wasn’t happy.
We all reach a point of our struggle where you’re suddenly pushed off your limits and you’ll realize how much worst your life has been made, I didn’t want to get it there, I knew I was close to it though and so I question myself: why wait for the worst moment? Yes! why wait? You know you have wasted days already and you yourself aren’t getting any younger. I had to accept my failures, I had to accept my mistakes, I had to accept the people around me wont help me, I had to accept I wasn’t any different from anyone, the most important was I had to accept my self, that I am an over-thinker, I am beautiful, I am graced with creativity. I needed to stop looking up to others living under their shadows while they take all the glory, I stopped looking at people who I thought that I could never get as beautiful as that, I applaud their beauty as much as I applaud mine, I stopped saying “I can’t” if I don’t try. I had to remove some people in my life, whom I should know were not gonna be there for me, I wasn’t happy with them around, I needed to surround myself with people I can relate, with people who I can share how I feel. I realized i felt lost in a crowd full of acquaintances but no friends, I was confused who were my real friends, I wasn’t running with the wrong crowd, I was just not happy to have them. It’s not wrong to leave them, if they don’t look for you then you were never really friends. There are more things for me to say but this were the important ones. Now how did I do it? It’s not over for me though, I’m still learning my self, exploring and re-editing the days I’ve wasted.
1. First and foremost, learn about yourself, learn your flaws, learn your strengths and weaknesses, I always thought being an over-thinker was not good for me, true it isn’t good for you but I’ve learned to accept it and I can’t change it anymore but on the positive side I thought that over-thinking was like predicting the future only it’s predicting every possible future. Know your limits!
2. Smile, I learned to smile at the worst cases. I may have cried all night but I leave the tears to my pillows. Sooner or later I learned to smile truly, but for some people this kind of habit could take awhile.
3. Stay positive. Some ask me how I’ve stayed positive all this time, why am I so strong willed. I don’t it takes so much willpower, so much thinking and pushing, so much of everything that you just wanna give up to physically show up smiling and laughing the rest of the day. It’s like carrying boulders everyday that you just wanna put it down but I knew once I put it down it was over for me. Think of it as training, like I said in the last number. (no. 2) Smile in the worst cases, how you ask? I fake it till I got used to it that it didn’t feel like fake anymore, If you wanna be happy then be happy and leave your tears to your pillows 😉
4. Never have all the trouble to yourself Speak up! find someone who will listen, your parents, best friends, your siblings, your dog or cat, a statue or just your inner self. I think its helpful to talk out loud even to an in animate object to vent out your self its like diary, which brings you to the case where you can’t really talk to anyone, You write it down! type it down if you want. One time I vent down my emotions to writing, my hand writing was basically everywhere the paper and in the end I burned it.
5. Accept your mistakes, they haunt you the most and sometimes you just wanna erase your memories and be done with it but that’s not a way to do it I always tell my self whenever I am reminded of my mistakes “I get it! I was wrong, but I don’t want you to keep me reminding me that when I’m trying to fix my self!” push yourself and find the desires, the urge! “But its hard!” Yes it is! Who said this was gonna be easy as pie? You will never know if you don’t try.
6. Explore and go out! see the world and stop looking at your screen, meet up with old friends, go to a cafe, have a random chat with a stranger, walk around your neighborhood, find a hobby, make new friends (I’ll be your friend *wink*). Discover what’s out there and just unwind.
7. You are not hated, If you are an over-thinker like me, we tend to want to please people because you don’t want to be hated and you try so hard to please someone that you break your mind thinking the right words to say and you just shut down. Then you are gonna think about this for days “why hasn’t she talk to me?” “have I done something wrong?” “I bet he hates me” It took me awhile [years] to be able to brush off this thoughts and I still struggle to it today (me making this article is already a struggle, thinking about the right words to put). You can never brush off people who hate you or negatively speak of you, I just learned to ignore them, though I know they’re there I wont care and just so they know: ”I have made fun of you in my mind and enjoyed it, So all the hate and negativity I RAISE MY MIDDLE FINGERS TO YOU! CHEERS!”
8. Remind yourself that there will always be someone who LOVES you. You are loved by your family, friends and most of all God.
These are not tips, they are the things that have worked for me and it took me forever to contemplate, cry about it and to struggle from all the thoughts and emotions that I have experienced, I know I still have a long way to go and a lot more broken and rugged roads to pass I’m still young but soon to be adult, I am struggling and so are you, but that’s just how it is to live to be human.
If you need someone to talk to and just can’t find anyone and talking to a non-living is just weird, leave a comment and lets sort you out, I’m not an expert but I will listen to you and try my best to help you~! we are struggling but we are awesome.
(c) me lol