I never talk about this to anyone other than my 3 trusted best friends
2 years ago I returned to Dragon Nest SEA to play once more after I quit on the level 40 cap, I was formally in Greenwood server where I had some issues in [that’s why i quit] and I returned on level 60 cap, It wasn’t long enough I found a guild [LotusEater Guild] that has been my family who I grew strong with and they accepted me for who I was. I was so comfortable with them that I got to know more of them through facebook and some of them I met in real life plus their friends who are not even in guild, I guess you could say I grew popular to strong players in Westwood [the current server I was in] not that I am bragging but I was just being friendly and I was overwhelmed with the number of people I made friends with, and with that I was constantly growing strong for the sake of running with them, I didn’t want to be useless, I didn’t care about how much I have spent for the game. I can’t say I am rich enough to always buy credits for the game but most likely, you are weak when you cant spend CC [Cherry Credits] so I turned to a “CC Player”. I didn’t mind all this because I knew I was happy with this people I was with and that I got to talk to them on video calls, It felt like an achievement. So I got attached to the game and to its community. Last year, around September a friend of mine, who was also a CC Player, were talking about the game and was telling each other how much we have spent for the past 2 months, to my surprise I have spent at least 10k PHP, I knew I was spending my allowance for this, mind you I have an aunt who gives me my allowance when I need it, It’s just that every time she gives me I don’t spend a lot since I don’t buy food at school nor my travel expense to school is that expensive and I am not spoiled. So my leftover cash just pile up and I send it to buy CC and if I need to buy something for school, I buy that first. Back to the 10k I have spent, so yeah I spent that much for a game, I could have bought video equipment for my school works or got a PC upgrade, that was when I started doubting the game and how much the game has scammed us to buy more CC. The RNG System sucks and just trolls you every game patch. I called my character my “baby” and my most precious thing
[most recent shot of my character, I had someone pilot my character]
Me and my friend hibernated for a month or so, I went back because I wanted to, not because of the game but because of the people who were looking for me, I “officially” returned to the game and was running the new nests and was updating my stuff at that moment I spent my last CC where a certain close friend of mine quit the guild and our FB group for quite a lot of reasons but I don’t blame her, she really busy right now and couldn’t focus on the game like we used to, she passed me the admin role of the FB group as she left, at first I was upset and was mad at myself for doing so, I really don’t like feeling upset about my friends especially when they are your best friends, I tend to hate myself more. few weeks before that happened, A famous player in DN SEA announced that he will finally quit DN and he posted a blog entry about what is plaguing DN SEA, I read this article and truly enough they were right I just never got the chance to process them.
The article made me realize the thing I couldn’t see and it made me decide what I really wanted, so 3 weeks ago I finally stopped playing, cause the reason I was only staying was because of my friends, I was never ready to let go of my connections to them, they were my family from another side of the world. I let someone pilot my account once more cause I didn’t want to say good bye but at least they have my character in the guild and use it for running in nests, I know soon it would be useless and the equipment will be outdated. I told myself I let myself be busy with my past interests and stir further away from the game I have loved so much. Right now I’m still attached to the game but I’m getting by everyday, without opening the game, It was 3 days ago I logged in to a different account to see the guild, I was sad that it was dying, not many people log in to it and I don’t see the joy it once had, I just exit the game.
Everyday it was tearing me inside but I knew I shouldn’t be guilty, even though I was Vice Guild Manager who has responsibilities for the guild, I just can’t go back no matter how much it pulls me back. I’m still in the process of letting go, this post was just a vent where I could pour out some emotions, If you think I’m being too childish, don’t judge me if you don’t know how it feels.
A view of my family