I had a horrible semester last term, I failed 4 subjects out of 5. a few weeks before the term ends I already realized that this term was my biggest failure, I already knew that and I tried so hard to pull up my grades, I had to sacrifice subjects just to pass the other, my efforts on those last few weeks weren’t enough, when the term ended everything around me turned cold, I lost myself this term, I was tired and everyone thought I was fine. I wanted to make my one week break worth it before I dropped the bomb to everyone, because I knew it wont be the same after this.
I was right about it all, I knew I was irresponsible, every day and night I get to a constant fight in my head, blaming myself for everything, torturing myself because of this failure, it’s like I am scolding myself for what I have done. I wanted karma to eat me as punishment.
As soon as my parents knew, they questioned me and I did not mind explaning. On those days before the next term started, I had come to the conclusion to have a change of pace, I had my hair cut shorter and colored to help me renew some things, i thought it might help, I was going to zumba classes cause I wanted to remove the heavy burdens, besides I want to get fit. I wanted to go back to my old habits like drawing, editing, reading books, watching films and many more.
Everyone is keep on reminding me about the wrong things I did. I know that, Here I am trying to get back up and they are pulling me down [when I mean by “Everyone” i meant so people near to me.] I don’t want them getting to me, but if this goes on, I dont know what to do to gain back their trust. I’m tired of listening or hearing negativity around me or maybe its just me hearing it negatively, I guess I’m still to blame huh?
“sometimes i just want a hot choco and a good book or sketch right by my window on a cold rainy day…. i want it simple” ~N