This may come out a rant, or maybe I’m just looking for someone to talk to. I’ve been thinking [too much] and I’m tired of it, I can’t keep listening to depressing music every night, I told myself that it was a new year and I wanted to stop dreaming and start reliving my goals.
I few weeks ago I happen to see in the website of the Japan Embassy about a program they have this year, I’ve heard of it before that you are able to go to Japan for 10 days all expenses paid, I was excited cause it was a chance for me to achieve one of the things on my bucket list, not only it was a plan for the future but it was a promise to myself that when I get a chance to get out of the country I would go to Japan first. It was a great idea and I will be applying for this program, but there would be a few things I have to sacrifice like I would need to stop one term in college, I would be leaving my parents behind and that hasn’t really sink in to me but I would come to the point that I would miss home even if it was only for 2 weeks, I didn’t want it to be a big deal but it just pops in my mind when I always think of leaving far away, “what if something happen to them and I’m not there?” “I wouldn’t want my mom to be crying, because she misses me” “will I be crying at night, thinking about them?” this things keep messing me up and I can’t help it, maybe I just haven’t vent out everything, I can’t explain it, I’m pretty confused and here I am laughing about this personality of mine, there are times that I want to be rebellious but then my strong conscience just breaks everything, I mean why do those kind of things have to come up. I was happy that my parents agreed to try and apply, they gave me money to pay for renewal of my passport and it was great that I could do that one step, but every time I get to imagine my life without stepping at the same island as my family and friends, It just scares me. I tend to imagine things either positive or negative but I believe that I can’t stop imagining, It’s not a switch that you can just flick.
I keep stopping what to type and I don’t-
I’m literally just pressing enter to see where I stop typing, I myself is annoyed with it. Back to topic, So here I am accepting the opportunity I could get. One more thing came up this week, a friend of mine invited me to join him in a production, at least to practice my Video Production skills, I gladly accepted it because it will do me some good. I remembered that just last year someone invited me too in a production of there’s [which is technically the official production I work for, the other one is temporary since we haven’t done anything much in our production, so I won’t waste some time] now I come in to questions like “why are things suddenly turning?” I was kinda invisible to a lot of people but I try my best to get in touch with them because I want to just excel in a lot of things, Animation, Video Production and Graphics Design I wanted it all. I know it wasn’t gonna be easy but I wont lose anything if I don’t try. Last is that I plan to join “Cinemapua” a film festival that happens every Foundation Week of our school, again I took the opportunity since it’s free for all. Now how much worth do I have to suddenly ride a big boat of opportunities?
. . . . . . .
if you’ve read this, you probably are just bored but anyway thank you for your time 🙂