I am in open arms my friend, pushing me away is not an option, vent me your emotions and I will help, there is no need to hold back because I am your friend. You know when I met you I thought things would just be the same, I thought things will be the way it has always been, I sat there looking into your eyes telling myself: “would this person last?” as I forced out a smile, you smiled back, you didn’t know the things that were running inside my head but you instantly became my friend. I was in doubt to why you gave a smile “maybe because I’m a stranger. . .” that’s what I thought. I felt it, your feelings were unclear and unsure, you talked to me cautiously but I didn’t mind, our conversation felt normal, like I’ve known you forever yet I don’t. The days pass and you have become my best friend. I want you to know that I was afraid when I first heard the word “best friend”, I didn’t think I’ll hear that word once again.
Back in grade school, I met someone who became my best pal in just a few months, I always had the luck to be paired with good set of friends, it was my first time to socialize with her, she’s the one that came to me and asked my name, at first I hesitated but it didn’t take long to be her friend. 4 years later we were separated, she had to leave for the US and I had to just watch our memories together faded along with her, I was young yet I felt lonely, I thought her leaving would be a chance for me to meet new people but the fact that we have been friends since 1st Grade it was already too late to make friends with the larger groups, I looked like an outcast. It didn’t take long when I met someone, she was shy and here I was trying to crack my shells to open a conversation with her, I kept on thinking what to say, a word came out of my mouth “hi” I say to her and she smiles back, that was the start of a new friendship. We’ve been together for 8 long years till we graduated. I thought that I didn’t have to be friends with people who are in large groups, so I formed my own groups of friends, all of them were new students along with “real” best friend, we had a fun ride until we started college and everything just fell apart, I had to accept it that we just needed to be in our own paths and start anew. instead of being saddened, I was happy for them.
You think I had a great life, I know there are more people out there who has issues but I had my own, I was afraid of a memory that I didn’t want to remember. I real good friend of mine, doesn’t matter if I have met him later the day my first friend left me or I’ve known him since childhood but all I can say is he was the greatest among all. It was wrong for me to have treated him in mean ways and yet he stayed with me, cutting the whole story short, he left without a word, ran away from a friendship that I trusted to last for a long time. Is there anything more to say? I was just stupid, plain boring and dead silenced. I had no interest in the world and yet it seems to be interested in me, How am I suppose to go against something so powerful? I joined in the little game.
I thought to myself that I’ve started to have trust issues, It was so wrong and it felt so horrible for me to not trust the people even if they are 100% nice to me, I just do’t understand it, was it because of the things that happened before? I know I’ve let all those go, because it didn’t really matter. I’ve doubted every move I’ve made to people “if I say this, would she be my friend?” “If I gave him this, would he be a friend?” why the heck anyway, just go for it, my conscience tells me and my soul just pushes me to my limits, no matter what kind of shit would come out of my mouth, It has made me realize that I didn’t have to think of simple things, but let the actions flow naturally.
Now throughout that whole paragraph, what did you seem to feel? got a little excited? felt a little agitated? did it make you all emotional? Even I don’t know, all I can say is get your butt of the seat and shake someones hand, look into his eyes, watch your future with him/her and say the six letter word out loud F.R.I.E.N.D